You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
