you would pick up someone in the library
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
