Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
