If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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