drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
