I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
