Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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