my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
