we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
