How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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