Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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