guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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