it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
