i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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