Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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