It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just invented taco cereal.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
