ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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