I think I can smell my own vagina right now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
