I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
