really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
