There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
