Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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