we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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