You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
