My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
