At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
