So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
In America we eat man semen.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
