She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
