I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
