My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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