So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
In America we eat man semen.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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