I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
