bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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