doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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