I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Randomize
