Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
