the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
