remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
