he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
