dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize