So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
