Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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