i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
