Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He passed out mid-signature
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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