I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
