And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it glows. i had to have it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
