We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
