My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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