i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
