I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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