I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have fence marks all over my body
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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