I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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