Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
