somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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