Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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