this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
