He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
