So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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