I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
