Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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