I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
