dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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