If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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