This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Boobs speak an international language.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
