Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
