it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
