ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
