She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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