I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize