So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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