We named our party play list daddy issues
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
