I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
