Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize