you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
