I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
