Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
