If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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