hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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