sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
