since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
